Fifty

That is, unless you wanted to learn how to re-purpose that peacock feather that has been lying around the house.

Fifty Shades of Grey will draw you in out of curiosity and possibly hopes of a good movie, then leave you wondering why you agreed to such a thing in the first place, much like the main character. Anastasia (Ana) Steele is a 22-year-old college student living in Vancouver, Washington with her wealthy best friend/roommate, Katherine (Kate) Kavanagh. They are both on the cusp of graduating from WSU, where Kate is a journalist for the college paper. She is scheduled to interview the 'enigmatic CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc. In the annals of sexually-charged event cinema, ”Fifty Shades of Grey” barely lights a candle let alone combusts with unbridled forbidden passion. Nothing comes close to Michael Douglas and Glenn Close humping on the kitchen sink in “ Fatal Attraction ” or Marlon Brando ’s inventive use of butter with Maria Schneider in “The Last.

Fifty Shades Of Grey Online Subtitrat

Consider the deflowering scene. I much prefer the one in “Ida,” Poland’s foreign-language Oscar contender, between a nun-in-training and a hot saxophone player (is there any other kind?) than the hype-escalated glossy bedroom encounter between a lip-biting virgin with a 4.0 GPA and her control-freak billionaire in “Fifty Shades.”

Despite the admirable efforts of Dakota Johnson, who happily has inherited much of mom Melanie Griffith’s minx-like mystique, and Jamie Dornan, who as acquaintances tell me played an incredibly attractive serial killer in the cult TV show “The Fall,” there is always a sense of every erotic moment being choreographed by committee. A wisp of pubic hair here, a butt shot there, arch that back, thrust those hips. One, two, three, gasp.

Fifty shades of grey

Could you guess that, despite her name, director Sam Taylor-Johnson is a woman? Yes, if only for the most telling and perhaps wisest omission. That is, much like the Ken doll he resembles, Doran’s manhood is kept discreetly hidden save for one fleeting and hardly revealing crotch-cam shot. Basically, the only body parts allowed to be erect are Johnson’s nipples, which are on display so much they probably required their own SAG cards.

The thinking behind this choice is likely that the majority of the millions of women who bought the pop-lit phenomenon would rather revel in the romantic fantasy of a brainy lass trying to tame a broken man than fixate on the sight of male genitalia in the flesh (especially since “Fifty Shades” is showing on a bunch of IMAX screens). Before you argue otherwise, consider that 2011’s highly explicit “Shame” barely grossed under $18 million worldwide even though a gorgeous specimen like Michael Fassbender proudly flashed his shillelagh every chance he got.

Fifty Shades Of Grey full movie, online, free

There is, however, one move that did make an impression on me. When Johnson’s Anastasia Steele straddles the lap of Dornan’s Christian Grey while he is seated on a piano bench (with all of his mournful nocturnal ivory tickling, it’s as if De Sade and the Phantom of the Opera had a child together), he manages to use his bent arms like a forklift under her shapely behind, pick her up with ease and whisk her back into the boudoir.

Fifty Shades Darker

Eventually we learn that instead of dating, Christian likes to recruit young women like Ana as submissives who willingly yield to his preferred brand of discipline in his high-rise home’s well-stocked hideaway, infamously known as the Red Room of Pain. But before we get to the kink, which takes up a surprisingly small amount of the running time, let’s address what Taylor-Johnson and company (including screenwriter Kelly Marcel, who wrote “Saving Mr. Banks,” also about another female haunted by a troubled man) get right.